youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
