Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
