I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
