Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
