Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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