im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
