Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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