worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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