My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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