I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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