They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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