His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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