Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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