Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
