His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
