i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i drank out of a bidet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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