I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize