I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
