He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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