How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
