Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
