I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
