I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize