if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
