his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
