I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize