Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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