Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This toilet bowl is my home.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
