You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You are the jesus of drinking
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