i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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