I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
