ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
