Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
