I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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