I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
