I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
