When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
