I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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