youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
