When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
