I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
