Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
