dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
