hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
