Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize