You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
