More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My cat gives me a boner
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
