Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
