Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
