super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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