somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
