Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize