I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it glows. i had to have it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The struggles of a small town man whore
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
