i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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