dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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