Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
