dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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