when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
