I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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