I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize