An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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