If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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