literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
