pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dick very happy bro
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
