that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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