shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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