Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
