I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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