What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
