I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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