Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
