Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
