I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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