just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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