i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
